The butterfly saves goals and costs hips
Hybrid icing asks a linesman to guess a race
The trapezoid punished the wrong goalies
Offside review has stopped measuring what the rule was for
The goal is scored by the man who never sees the puck
Stick flex is chosen by feel and it should not be
A penalty kill's job is to pick which shot they take
The fourth line stopped being a punishment
Goalie interference cannot be written down and everyone keeps trying
The fourth man high is the best risk in hockey
Skating backwards to go forwards is not a retreat
The faceoff win belongs to the winger, not the centre
Teams waste the free man on a delayed penalty
A blocked shot is an admission, not an achievement
Empty net goals should sit in their own column
Nobody plans the backup goalie's season and it shows
The loser point rewards teams for playing scared
